Sue Slayers United
by The Great Space Hobo
Summary: Sick of Clouds twin sister kicking his ass and making Vincent fall head over heels for her? Wanna stab the new Turk that’s Sephiroth daughter and makes Reno her pookybear? Well have no fear the Mary Sue hunters are here! lots of blood and humor! yay!
1. SSU HQ

Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII, damn it! T_T or the SSU or Kay or Mac….. Really the only things that I own are Sandy, Alice, and the tiger…. Oh and the Sue Scanner! The SSU belongs to CreativeSprite, a totally amazing writer who is the founder of the SSU! XD please go to her original story The Death of Mary Sue. I have a link to her on my favs so please check it out!

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Alice walked quickly down the halls of Sue Slayers United HQ. It was her first day on the job and she was utterly thrilled. After spending almost 6 years of her life training to kill Mary Sue's this was a big day for the young woman. As she turned a corner, Alice almost ran head first into a woman in her mid twenties, and she didn't look to happy.

"S-sorry ma'ma!" Alice trying to catch her breath

The woman muttered something that sounded like, "Damn rookies," and stormed off, a teenage boy and a big black dog at her heels.

"What in the..." Alice shock her head. They said she would see some weird things here.

"Don't be too offended. She's just in a bad mood because she has to relive puberty." said a man that looked like he was in his fifties, he was balding and had a long grey mustache that made Alice think of one of those dogs with the funny looking lip hair.

"A-Agent Macintyre-Boss-Man-Sir!!" Alice mentally kicked herself for sounding like a moron in front of her new boss, but all he did was smile.

"You must be our new agent, Alice Morgan right? And please just call me Mac."

"Y-yes sir, I mean Mac...." Alice said sheepishly.

"Wonderful! It's so good to get new agents! Well let me introduce you to agent Kay." Mac walked her into a room that was full of computer screens and had a man sitting in a chair with a headset on.

"He will be in contact with you once you go into a fictional universe, and will send you there as well."

The tall dark man nodded to her.

" Are you ready to meet your new partner, agent Alice?" asked Mac.

Alice gulped and nodded.

" All right agent Summer, you may come in now."

The woman that stepped though the door way just about gave Alice a heart attack. She stood well over 6'9" and looked like she could have been a bodybuilder. She made Alice feel even smaller than she already was (and this was something, seeing is how she only stood at 5'1".) This tall woman also had dark skin.

'Probably African decants'. Alice thought.

This woman wouldn't be winning any beauty pageants anytime soon, but she was good looking in a handsome sort of way.

"Mac, how many times do I need to say it? Just call me Sandy." The big woman smiled down at Alice.

"I-I'm Alice," she stammered getting dizzy just looking up at the woman.

Sandy's smile just grew.

"Aren't you just a cute little thing?"

Something snapped in side Alice. Her face turned red.

"DON'T CALL ME TINY!!! JUST BECAUSE I'M SMALL DOSENT MEAN I'M WEAK!!!!!!!!" Alice took a few deep breaths. Everyone in the room looked shocked.

"Whoa whoa, I didn't say any of that. I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you," Sandy held her hands up. Alice almost started laughing. It was like Sandy thought Alice would try and punch her. Even when she was mad she wasn't THAT stupid.

Kay just looked stunned. He didn't know someone so small could be so loud. Although he didn't dare say it out loud in fear of getting slugged.

"Alrighty then. It seems you two will get along just great!" Mac said happily, the two agents just stared at him.

"So.... what's our new assignment, Mac?" Sandy said, trying to break the silence.

"First things first, as I just told Arganough we are now assigning every agent pair an animal. we have lost too many good men." The two women glared at him. "Ahem- and women to the Sue's cute little animal friends. So you may choose a bird, dog, or cat to--" Alice didn't let her boss finish his sentence.

"Ohmigod you have cats!?" she ran out the door dragging Mac with her at break neck speeds.

Sandy blinked a few times.

"She.....sure is energetic," Sandy said a bit shocked.

"I think it says somewhere that she has ADD."

"Oh jee, thanks Kay," Sandy said rolling her eyes.

Kay just smiled.

"Happy to help!"

Grinning back Sandy left to find Alice and Mac

She walked into the SSU kennel to find Alice standing over one of the large cages that held a....tiger. When Alice saw Sandy she almost jumped her.

"Oh Sandy can we get him!!? Please, please please!!!" she stared up at Sandy with big grey puppy dog eyes

Sandy let out a groan; she was never fond of cats. And a tiger!

"I don't think--" but she was cut off.

"But we have to get him!" Alice ran back to where the tiger was.

"Just look at him! We can't leave this gorgeous feline in a cage!"

Sandy looked at Alice, then at the tiger. Who was....giving her puppy eyes too?!

Sandy looked at the tiger's bright yellow eyes, and yep they where definitely puppy eyes. Sandy had no idea a tiger could do that.

'Huh, weird' she thought.

But she still had to object.

"But don't you think a tiger is a bit Sueish? And what if we go to a place that doesn't have tigers? Like Lord of the Rings or Star Wars?"  
Mac just smiled.

"Easy! We can just change it into a cat or any other animal that would fit into that universe just like we do to you. And when the time comes he can change back for the take down. It's a nifty little feature we just added."

Sandy looked at the two again. Then, signing in defeat, she nodded.

"Fine, we can have the tiger."

"YAY!!!!" she hugged Sandy. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!!"

Alice let go of Sandy and ran back to the cage and opened it. The tiger stretched out, its claws unsheathing themselves. Sandy gulped. She never liked cats, Or any other feline. But she wanted to make up for calling Alice short earlier, so a tiger it was.

"Wise choice, most Sues have something like wolves or unicorns, a tiger would be perfect for taking down a big animal like that. And they're very smart, unlike those Sue animals. So as long as you keep him well fed he should be fine."

As Alice was busy petting her new pet Sandy was getting the details of their new mission.

"So Mac where are we off to this time?"

"Final Fantasy VII"

Alice stopped what she was doing and let out a small squeal.

"You're joking right!? My first mission gets to be to Final Fantasy VII!? Totally cool!!" she did a little dance.

"Don't be too happy, Final Fantasy VII has some pretty nasty Sues there."

Alice stopped dancing looking disappointed. Then she smiled again.

"Yay! My first Sue kill will be in Final Fantasy VII!" and she went right back to her dance.

Sandy couldn't help but smile, she liked people who couldn't be brought down easily. And Alice was quickly becoming ok in her book.

"Oh! I almost for got, David just finished making these." Mac handed Sandy something that looked like a PSP. the tall woman looked at it with a puzzled look.

"Mac, what the heck is this?"

"It's a Sue Scanner. It is able to read the Sue's powers. It can give you all kinds of information like there name, where they come from, what they are, and what there power is and so on."

"Ohmygosh, Mac this is amazing! Do you know how much easier hunting will be now! All we have to do is point and click to see if she is a Mary Sue or an OC! This is great!" She put Mac in a bone crushing bear hug.

"Uh! H-happy you like it."

Sandy let her boss go before she broke him in half.

"Sorry" she smiled at him.

"Now you two better run along!"

"What will we be going undercover as?" asked Alice eagerly.

"Turks."

"Yeah baby! Let's go!" Alice took off down the hall her new pet tiger closely following her.

"Alice wait you don't know the way!" Sandy quickly followed.

Mac shook his head. "I should keep an eye on this one." Then he walked away.

* * *

A/N Is there any Sue in general you would like to see killed and a way you would like it done? Like Cloud's twin sister being feed to a Midgar Zolom? Or Sephiroth's daughter getting pushed off the gondola ride at the Gold Saucer, just click the button below and share your ideas! Remember sharing is caring! : ) I would also like to thank my beta for sorting through my crappy spelling!


	2. what's a Turk to do?

Disclaimer: Must I say it? Do I have to? *sigh* Fine I do not own FFVII only Sandy, Alice, Dexter and the stupid Sue, although I really don't want to own her…-_-" same as always CreativeSprite owns the SSU.

* * *

Alice and Sandy were walking down the streets of Midar in dark blue suits the Turks wear. Alice looked just about as she always did, short black hair and dark grey eyes. But she was a few inches taller and had two daggers hidden inside her jacket. Sandy was a few inches shorter than she normally was and had a giant ax slung over her back. Dexter (the tiger) trotted after them as a small orange tabby cat.

Sandy decided since Alice was still a newbie she should at least quiz her.

"So Alice, why do you think that the boss sent us in as Turks and not SOLDIERS? Seeing, if we came as them, we could be just as strong and fast as we were in our own worlds," Sandy asked looking down at Alice.

"Because in the game they never said anything about female SOLDIERS. So if we came as them we risk breaking canon rules."

Sandy nodded her head.

"Very good."

They walked up to Aerith's church and stopped at the front door when Dexter let out a hiss and his fur stood on end.

Sandy gripped the end of her ax.

"Be careful."

Alice nodded and got ready to pull out her daggers. Sandy pushed open the door to the massive church. There standing over a bed of flowers was a _"young woman with hair the color of the purest gold gleaming like the sun as it fell over her shoulders like a waterfall down past her waist"_ and she had eyes that were _"the color of indigo and shone with such purity that man wept at the sight of them." _Her skin was _"as white a virgin snow" _and she had _"curves in all the right places."_ She was dressed _in "a sparkly white gown that shone in the sun." _(Which made no sense seeing as there was no sun in Midar) The dress was so long that it fell down to the dirty church floor, but for some reason the white dress was never dirty. It was laced with pink ruffles and beads the color of golden honey and sky blue, more ruffles and a silver chain locket that held pictures of her poor murdered parents. She had glass slippers just like Cinderella only like, totally better.

Hunters where trained to see these god awful words used to describe Sue's. Sandy after many years as a SSU hunter was used to the feeling of having a bucket of freezing water dumped on you when the words came. Poor Alice on the other hand let out a gasp and stumbled a little.

"W-what the..." Alice said in shock.

"You'll get use to it.... kind of." Sandy said with sympathy. She had a hard time on her first mission, too.

The two hunters ducked behind a pew before the Sue saw then. She shrugged her _"dainty little shoulders" _and went right back to her flowers.

"What's going on?" Alice whispered as Dexter crouched at her feet.

"Where is Aerith? Last time I checked this was her church!"

"Hold on a sec..." Sandy took out her new toy and pointed it at the Sue, it beeped a few times before words appeared on the screen._Name: Alverdine Elrica Jinx Alaula Lareina Phoenix Rose Moon Gainsborough.  
Power: she can heal ANY wound inflected on her and can weald the powers of the Life stream, make any man fall for her and can beat the crap out of Sephiroth.  
Species: Cetra  
Type of Sue: Aerith! Sue  
OOC affected on the canon characters: 98.823727%_

"Damn, I was afraid of this."

"What is it?" Alice asked trying to see the screen.

"It's an Aerith!Sue. She's basically a perfect copy of Aerith. And Aerith for some strange reason went missing and no one bothered to look for her."

"She killed her," Alice said thinking Sandy was quizzing her again.  
The tall women shock her head.

"No just sent her into a "nothing" zone. It's when a Sue tries to replace the canon character so they are sent to the "nothing zone" where they just float around in a coma like state. And remember she's too "pure" to kill. Once it's dead Aerith should appear back safe and sound." Sandy said rolling her eyes. "She is the "last" Cetra and can heal just about any wound which means it's going to be a pain to kill. She will fall in love with Cloud when he falls off the and into the church. She'll turn Cloud into a love sick puppy, make Tifa act like a total bitch, and make Barret almost nonexistent."

"So what's the good news?" Alice asked with a smile.

"No cute animal friend."

"Great," Alice said. Her grin grew wider.

_"_Follow my lead," Sandy said this as she stood up.

"Wait! What are you--?"  
Too late, Sandy walked out from behind the pews and to the Mary Sue. Cursing Alice followed her.

"Oh" said the Mary Sue with _"voice of an angel and lips as sweet and red as candy." _Alice shivered again as the worlds slammed into her.

"Like hey!" said Sandy with a beach girl voice. It made Alice wanna hurl.  
Alverdine Elrica Jinx Alaula Lareina Phoenix Rose Moon Gainsborough gasp in fear as the two Turks walked over to her.

"Oh dear! Are you here to kidnap me because I'm the last of me kind and you want to do horrible experiments on me?!" Her _"eyes the color of indigo that shone with such purity that man wept when at the sight of them"_ widened and her _"rose red lips"_ quivered in fear.

Alice just wanted to smack her.

_"_But lyke, look on the bright side. This way Cloud can like, totally save you!" Sandy giggled, which made Alice want to smack her too.

Then she remembered about all that Sue training they had and just about smacked herself for being so stupid. Sue's tend to relax and let there guard down around other Sue's.

"Lyke yeah!" Alice piped in.

"Lyke sooooo true! My name is Alverdine Elrica Jinx Alaula Lareina Phoenix Rose Moon Gainsborough, but ever one just calls me Angel."

'Sue's have ridiculous nicknames.' Alice thought with pure disgust.

"Lyke, I'm Janchenle and this is Serenity." Sandy introduced them using fake Sue names. "And I'm lyke sooooo sorry but we need to bring you in to Shinra."

Alice had to fight the urge to punch Angel in the mouth, she never knew it would be this hard to talk to one of these…. these things.

_"_Lyke I guess," she giggled. "That way Cloud can come and save me and kiss me!" She let out another ear splitting scream. Alice felt one of her eyes twitch. Angel turned to Alice.

"Lyke aren't you a little too short to be one of us?" It asked in her "angelic voice that made the toughest man want to cry."  
Sandy only briefly wonders what was with Suethors and making men cry. Then she felt kind of sorry for the Sue that just about said the dumbest thing in her life, which is saying a whole lot.

"BURN IN HELL YOU SLUTTY COW!!!!" Alice screamed before she punched Angel in her perfect little mouth. Alice wasn't really strong, but she sure was fast. Angel never saw it coming.

"What are you-" the thing gasp as she clutching her jaw.

But Alice didn't let her finish, she kicked her perfected little feet from under her and sent the Sue crashing to the ground banging her _"heart shaped head"_ on the hard church floor. She most likely had a concussion. Sandy took the ax from her back and was about to bring it down on her perfect little head when Alice held up a hand.

"Wait stop! I have an idea!" Alice said with a wicked smile.

Sandy looked at her like she was insane. But she stopped, resting her ax on her broad shoulder. Alice took out a pair of white latex gloves and put the on.

"w-what are you going to do?!" Angel asked in fear, but do you think her voice ever broke in fear? Oh no. She was too perfect for that.

"Shut your face," the smaller woman snapped at the blond as she pulled out a dagger. She kneeled down next to the thing and took her _"pure gold sunshine hair"_ into her hand, and in one swift movement she cut it all off with her dagger.

Alverdine Elrica Jinx Alaula Lareina Phoenix Rose Moon Gainsborough screamed in agony, like one of her arms was being cut off instead of just her hair. In was common knowledge to hunters that a Sue's hair was very important to them so cutting it off was like sawing them in half. (Which is also very fun to do.)

"OMG!!!!!!!!!!! LYKE MY HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Angel's whole body twitched and jerked.

Sandy brought down the ax with a sickly THUNK and chopped the Sue's head off with one swing. Blood began squirting out of her severed neck like a bloody fountain; the crimson liquid covered her tacky white gown and began to pool around the dead, headless Angel.  
Alice just smiled at the blood free golden locks and put it in a large zip lock baggy. Sandy still gave her a puzzled look.

"Why did you cut off the Sue's hair? At first I thought it was just to torture her but I'm guessing your keeping it?"

"Like duh!" Alice looked shocked and slapped her self across the face.

"Ohmygosh are you ok?!" Sandy ran up next to her partner.

"Yeah.....yeah I'm ok." She nodded. "I-I just need to clear my head."

She blinked a few times like she was trying to forget something.

Sandy looked at her with sympathy.

"It's always the hardest the first time."

"No, no that's not it. Look I'm fine, what I was going to say was I cut off her hair was because I'm going to sell It." she held up the bag of Sue hair that was almost glowing in the nonexistent light of Midar.

"What?" Sandy asked at a total lost.

"To a wig shop! Do you know how much money we can make selling Sue hair?!" She smiled again and started doing her little dance.  
Sandy looked at her in shock, like she couldn't believe she thought of that.

"Alice, that's brilliant! You're a genius!"

"I know it! And I love it!" still shaking like a drunk duck.

"You know we probably have to disinfect it when we get back to make sure it doesn't have any Sue germs." Sandy said trying to bring Alice back down to earth.

"Yeah, yeah. I know…" she shoved the hair into her bag.  
Dexter trotted up to a fast growing stream of blood and began to lap it up.

"No, bad Dexter." The small Turk picked up the cat and held him in her arms like a little baby. "You'll get a tummy ache if you drink that."  
Sandy just smiled at the two; this was a very easy target and a good start for a newbie.

"Hey Sandy, will it always be that easy?"

The tall women shock her head. "No. This is a damsel in distress Sue," she poked the deceased Sue with her foot. "She's a copy of Aerith remembers? She relies on Cloud to save her every time she's in trouble. Lucky for us most Sue authors forget about Cloud meeting up with Aerith at the beginning of the game so she hasn't met him yet. No one will be missing her."

"What about Aerith?" Alice asked worriedly. She always liked Aerith in the game and wanted to make sure she would be ok.

"Yeah, she should be coming back soon. We should clean this up."

Alice let out a groan.

A/N: sorry if any of you sent me a message about a Sue you wanted dead but my friend BEGGED me to kill off the Aerith!Sue first. It's just an itch she had to scratch. But what I said before still stands please share your ideas of Sues and the deaths you want brought to them! Click click!! Again thanks to my coolly beta for making my stories readable and CreativeSprite for making my Sue Hunters able to live and breath. (Well you know) please check out her stories if you hate Mary Sue's and like their painful deaths!


	3. It's not the fall that kills you

Disclaimer: really I think they get the massage scary Law people! Must I still say it?! Damn, I don't own FFVII (but I do have Reno handcuffed to my bed. =) jk jk) nor do I own the SSU, that's still SC. And if you have not gone to read her stories you better do it now or I'll have my Sue hunter's track you down! Enjoy! ^^ Btw I do not own DMC or X-Man….. (Damnit to hell!)

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Alice, Sandy, and Dexter walked up to the Shinra building; the smaller woman looked at her co-worker with a questioning look.

"Why are we here?" she asked.

"Mostly Turk! Sue's looking to get into Reno's pants. Maybe some Experiment! Sue's. Whatever we can find. They love to gather around here." Sandy said with a sad look.

"Let's go bust some caps in some asses!" Alice cheered then walked boldly into Shinra HQ.

"Ah! Alice wait!" Sandy chased after her with Dexter at her heels.

The three Sue hunters walked though the halls keeping there eyes open for the horrid monsters.

"Ok, I'm lost. Where are the--"

Alice stopped talking as a georgics woman with_" misty colored locks that flowed down her back in graceful waves."_ her _" piercing emerald green eyes that looked right though your soul."_ looked on with a dim look that said no one was ever home.

Alice let out a groan when she saw the ridicules outfit the Sue was wearing. "_A black leather bodysuit that hugged her ever curve."_ her insanely large breast were almost popping out of the leather outfit that looked like it never should have seen the light of day out side of a bedroom. Ever guy she walked past stopped and stared at her hotness. On her shoulder was a sleek black hawk.

Dexter hissed at the hawk, his orange fur stood on end.

Sandy took out the scanner to see just what kind of Sue they where dealing with.

__

Power: is faster the Reno, stronger the Rude, can take down Cloud but wont because she is a double agent for AVALANCHE.

Species: human

Type of Sue: Turk!Sue

OOC affected on the canon characters: 88.326736%

Alice made a face as she looked at the screen. This didn't look that Suey. But then again she deserved to die just because of that horrible outfit she was wearing.

The Sue didn't ever notice the scanner or Alice making a face as she walked up to the two. _"As Graceful as a dancer"_

"Hello," she said. _"Her voice was so sweet and strong it told a life story in one word."_

"Like hey," said Sandy in a sweet voice.

"Yo," Alice said not having the stomach to act like a ditsy Sue and was going for the badass Sue.

"Lyke omg are you lyke, new Turks?" she asked.

"Yep." Sandy nodded her head.

"You got a problem with that?" Alice asked, not having to try to hard to sound mean.

" Well my name is Ikiru Ambrosine Astra Gitana Jezebel Jade Lilly Hope Airheart Roselynn Joy Sunrose." she said with pride. "And this is my hawk Braveheart. And I am sooooooo going after Reno so back off right now!"

"Wow." Alice said not really looking at the hawk or the Sue. " No worries, I don't like redheads."

" And I um- like going after some ones ales." Sandy said a bit shocked at the Sue's outburst.

"Do you want to hear my life story? It's oh so sad and full of pain."

" And I'm sure you'll tell us." Alice huff in anger but Ikiru didn't notice. Sandy elbowed her in the gut.

" It's a sad, sad, tale. Well my parents died when I was a baby and I was sent to live with my uncle who was an evil cruel man that used to rape me every day and beat me. Well one day I-"

The Sue never even finished her story before Sandy clamped a hand over her mouth and Alice cut her off _"misty colored locks that flowed down her back in graceful waves."_ The Sue screamed in pain.

"Stop wining!" Alice snapped as she pushed one of the desks to the glass window breaking it. Then Sandy though the Sue out of the 25th floor and watched her fall all the way to the stone ground. With a _SPLAT_ she hit the ground her blood spraying every where. Even if someone knew her they would never be able to recognize the body.

"It's not the fall that kills you but the stop." Alice said with a chuckle as she stuffs the hair into anther baggy.

" Are the writers just getting lazier or something? These Sues are too easy." Sandy said with a disappointed look on her face.

"Tell me about it. So far these fights have been a total disappointment. But whatever, blood and guts and all.' Alice shrugged.

Dexter walked up to Alice with a few black feathers sticking out of his mouth. And a satisfied look on his face.

"Well it looks like someone had some fun." Sandy said looking at the cat.

"Well that makes one of us. Come on, let's get something to eat." Alice said walking towards the elevator.

Sandy nodded and followed, Dexter walking lazily after them.

* * *

Later that night Alice and Sandy where staying at the Turks living quarters' not to fair away from the Shinra building. They where getting ready for bed, Dexter was already fast asleep on Alice's bed.

"Hey Alice?" Sandy turned to the smaller woman.

"Yeah?" Alice was already in her PJ's, but she was doing some setups trying to keep in shape with all these lame ass fights.

"What world did you some from?" the dark woman ask looking curies.

" Oh," she stopped doing the sit-ups and sat there. " The _X-Man_ universe. If you didn't already guess I'm a mutant with some manger speed!" she said with pride.

Sandy nodded. " I thought you where something ease with all that super running we where doing back at HQ."

" Are you trying to start something?!" Alice said looking mad.

"No, no! Not at all! I-I was just saying I thought you weren't human!" Sandy looked truly sorry.

When Alice saw what she did she looked sorry too.

"Sorry, it's an old reaction. You know..." she smiled sheepishly.

" I heard humans aren't so kind to your kind." Sandy looked sad.

"Yeah, but my rent's where ok with it."

Sandy looked shocked. "Really?

"Yeah, they where all hippy dippy and peace to all kind of people. So they where just fine when I got my powers, they said it was a great gift from Mother Earth."

"They sound like great people." the older woman smiled.

"They where! They helped me find the mutant boarding school run by Professor Xavier , and they came ever holiday and weekend they could! They even brought gifts for my other class mates. They where kind of like ever one's parents......" Alice looked a bit sad now. "I really miss then....."

"I bet." Sandy said.

"What about you mega girl?" Alice asked trying to change the topic.

"Me? I'm from the _Devil My Cry_ universe."

Alice gasps. "Really!? That's totally cool!"

Sandy smiled. "I guess."

"So, did you slay demons and stuff?!"

The tall woman nodded.

"Yep, I was in the demon slaying bizz before I fell into the Mary Sue hunting."

"Wow!" Alice looked star struck. "Did you ever work with Dante?"

"Once or twice."

"Eeeiiii! What was he like?!"

"What do you think? He was a sexist pig and a cocky jackass." Sandy said with a smirk.

"But he was hot."

"You bet your ass he was!"

The two hunters giggled.

"So, are you part demon? Is that why you're so strong?" Alice asked.

"Um, there's demon blood some where in my family line. But neither of my parents where full demons. But yeah I got some demon blood in me. And yes that's why I'm so strong, but I'm not very fast or anything, and I don't have the blood lust like Dante or the others have. Besides, Dante and just about any high ranking demon can kick my butt."

"Huh, that's pretty good," Alice said. "Well besides the ass kicking part."

Alice was about to say more when they hear a voice that was_ "as sweet as an angel and as delicate as a rose"_ floated though the open window.

"What the hell is that god awful noise?!" Alice scremed in anger as she covers her hands over her ears. Dexter leaped up from the bed and let out a yeow of what sounded like pain and ran out of the room like hell it's self was on his tail.

Sandy covered her ears too and looked out the window.

"Oh my god....." Sandy gasped looking shocked.

"What? Let me see!" Alice jumped up and ran over to the window.

Her jaw just about hit the floor. "Oh my sweet Jenova in a box!!"

There, down on the street below, arose the street at a coffee shop stood a tall woman with _"hair the color of the blackest night" _and_ "deep soulful chocolate brown eyes" . _But that's not what shocked the two hunters, it was the fact that she had size DDD cup and the waist the size of a three year olds. And she was singing to Rufus and he just sat there at the coffee shop like a zombie with a dreamy look on his face.

"In all my years at the SSU..... I have NEVER seen boobs that big!" Sandy said in astonishment.

"Uh! Do people really think that's sexy! It's just gross! I'm getting the sniper gun so I can put her out of our misery!" Alice yelled as she rummaged though her stuff.

"Wait! I think we should--" Sandy was cut off.

"Ah! Here it is!" Alice exclaimed holding up a sleek black sniper gun.

"--Scanner her first to make sure--" Sandy tried again.

"Pft! you worry too much! Not even Sephiroth can here one of these babies coming if it where aimed at his head!" Alice took aim at the window, scooping out the Sue to make sure she could get the perfect shot.

"but--" to late Alice pulled the trigger and the only thing that told Sandy the small Turk shot the gun was the back-kick it gave her.

The bullet never hit the target. In a flash the Mary Sue dogged the speeding bullet just like Super Man only he probably couldn't do that with his back turned like she could. The Sue turned and looked with_ "deep soulful chocolate brown eyes"_ at her shooters.

_"_Oh crap!" Alice ground as she ducked below the window frame taking the gun with her. Sandy fell right next to her. "Did she see us?!"

"I told you to wait! The scanner could have told us she had super hearing!" the big women looked like she was going to cry. Weather it was from anger or sadness Alice couldn't tell.

"I'm sorry! Ok, shh!" Alice peeked over the frame to see if the Sue HAD seen then, her eyes meet with the Sue's _"deep soulful eyes"_ and Alice ducked back down." crap!"

"Great! Just great!" Sandy yelled, Alice never heard the other woman sound so mad. But right now she could careless, she needed to find her daggers before the Sue busted there door down.

Scrabbling quickly the two hunters got there weapons, Alice with two daggers and Sandy with her ax. The older hunter shot at dirty look at Alice, which clearly said 'We'll talk about this later,'

Dexter who had ran back into the room moments ago had his fur standing on end as he let out a hiss. The two hunters tense up, ready for the attack.

With a sharp CRACK the door was kicked clear off its hinges. The Sue with the gravity defying boobs stepped over the door, her prefect face twisted in anger.

"You know that door was unlocked, right?" Alice commend.

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A/N: I would like to thank all of you who reviewed my story and would like to add that just because Alice and Sandy had a little fan girl moment that dose not make then Mary Sue's. People like you and me drool over Dante, Reno and the many other very sexy men in the fandom universe, and we are not Sue's now are we. And also some words are meant to be spelled wrong because in any great Sue story they have god awful spelling. Please review!


	4. miniskirt of Doom!

WARNING!!!; reading this chapter may cause side effects such as, loss of eye sight, going insane, wanting to puke, puking, wanting to bitch slap the author throw your monitor, burning you computer, pulling out your own hair, losing your I.Q., twitching, and causing you to revert to a Gollum like state.  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, only the Sue hunters, and * shutter* the Sue. You can have her if you want.

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The Sue looked both of the hunters up and down with her _"deep soulful chocolate brown eyes_" then her _"pouty red lips"_ formed into a smirk, and she let out a _"laugh that sounded like running spring water."_

"Does anyone know what that even means?' Alice briefly thought.

"I come up here thinking there where Mary Sue hunters trying to kill me and look what I find? An ugly giant and a midget wearing Winnie the Poo PJ's."

Alice's face turned beet red.

"YOU HAG!!! DONT CALL ME SMALL!!!!" Alice wailed and tried to lung at the Sue. But Sandy quickly grades the back of her shirt and pulled her back.

"And don't be disusing Poo either bitch!" Alice waved her daggers in the air.

"Alice! Calm down!" Sandy said in a stern voice.

"Is the SSU getting desperate or what! I expected better of them then to send rejects like you." the Sue said in a spiteful tone.

She pulled out a sword that was so covered in jewels, gold and silver that it probably could have feed a larger country.

"Are you ready to die?" she asked.

"Sorry but I don't plan on leaving this life any time soon." Sandy said with a smile.

"Someone sure is full of themselves." Alice shoot back, stearing daggers at the Sue ready to stab her real daggers into her back.

"You can not beat me! I'm Princess Annabelle Nero Tifa Cullun Strife Lockhart Flower Highwind RedX Cloud Sunrose Serenity Rudy Moonstar Green Valentine Fair Chaos Blue RockoutLoud Ginita!"

"Wow that was a long one!" Alice cracked, trying not to laugh herself silly. Sandy shot anther one of those 'looks' at Alice.

"I have been trend in a very old and old fighting form passed down in my family for generations! You see I am an only child but my father wanted a boy to carry on his thrown but sense he was never able to have a son he trained me to be his son. But I just founded out that I was indeed the long lost sister of Aerith! So I came to this city to look for my dear sister and found she was in the hands of Shinra! So I was making Rufus fall in love with me so I could free her! And you ruined it!!"

Alice looked like she was just slapped, she blinked a few times. "Ow, I think I just lost some of my IQ." then something ease the Sue said hit her. "Wait-wait! Aerith gets kidnapped after Tifa is kidnapped by the Don and that's how they find out that Shinra was going to drop the Plate on Sector 7, and THEN Aerith gets kidnapped! What the hell?! How did we miss the goddamn Plant being dropped?!"

"Plot hole." Sandy said in her usually clean voice.

"What the flying fuck man! That's like a total kickass part! You bitch!" again Alice try's to tackle the Sue but Sandy holds her back.

"And anther thing! How did you know Aerith was kidnapped?!" Alice screamed sounding like she gone off the deep end.

"Alice, you should now better then to ask logic from a Sue."

"To answer your question human, I can see into the further and saw my sister, how she was kidnapped and her death. now I'm off trying to stop that." said Princess Annabelle Nero Tifa Cullun Strife Lockhart Flower Highwind RedX Cloud Sunrose Serenity Rudy Moonstar Green Valentine Fair Chaos Blue RockoutLoud Ginita in a mater-o-fact way.

"Oh great! So now you can tell the future." Alice said with a false cheery voice.

"Yes, and I foresee.... your death!" Annabelle said in a very sister voice raising her sword like a cheep ripe off of Zack.

"You stole that line," Alice pointed out.

The Sue dropped her sword. "What? I did not!" she said, her voice insanely whiney now, all hit of her scary voice gone.

"Yes you did. You stole that from Naruto."

"Nah-nuh!"

"Yes, that's what Kakashi said to Zabuza right before Haku paralyzed him with needles."

"LIES!!!"

"That's it, I'm killing her." Alice, this time using her speed dogged Sandy and flow at the Sue. Letting out some kind of war cry Alice brought her daggers down on the Sue.

Smirking Annabelle used her gold sword to block the upper attack, then using her total kickass Sue stretch lifted Alice up off the ground and flung her into the wall across the room, just using her sword.

"NAG! Damn that hurt!" Alice tried to pick herself up from the ground; she already felt sore and didn't want to think about how she'll feel tomorrow.

"Alice!" Sandy though a worried a look at her partner before charging at the Sue looking very much like a train. Her axe ready to strike.

"Heh," Annabelle did a double back flip and blocked Sandy's attack like it was a swat at a butterfly. Sandy tried to get in a good punch to her face but Annabelle blocked it with one of her long slender legs and using the pawn of her perfect hand she slammed it into the hunter's chest sending her flying into the wall next to Alice.

"UG!" she grunted as she hit the wall.

Alice was huffing and she tried to help the huge hunter up. "How the hell can she move like that.…? I mean, her tits a huge! It has to hurt to jump around like that or something. For have then knocked her out."

"I knew it, she's a Warrior! Sue."

"Are you dead yet?" the Sue asked broadly.

"Shut your face skank and give us a sec!" snapped at Alice.

Annabelle lunged at Alice again her sword around to slice the small hunter in two. But moving quickly Alice blocked the attack by crossing her daggers into a V shape and coat the sword. Alice grunted at the after it took to hold off the Sue's attack, but in the end she failed and Annabelle's godly sword sliced through her shoulder, tarring flash and muscles. Alice moaned in pain and fell to the ground from the fours of the blow, her injured arm dropping the dagger.

"Die, again!" Annabelle roared as she was about to drive the sword through the hunters gut.

Just then there was an ear shattering scream..... Coming from the Sue as Dexter sank his razor sharp teeth into Annabelle's soft pale arm. He was no longer the fluffy orange cat but the sleek tiger that he truly was. With a growl he tore once more at her flesh and ripped a huge chuck out of her arm. Blood spared everywhere, staining her low-neck (sickeningly low) shirt that what ruffles on the end and covered in bright jewels and her insanely high (so high that Alice saw It-Shall-Not-be-Named, but don't worry reader, her brain was she shocked, she went into a temporary coma.) mini-skirt too.

"Lyke OMG!!!!" She screamed at the top of her lugs. "You rrrrrruned my shirt!!!!!!" she shirked, not at all caring about the fact the blood was coming from HER.

Thinking fast Sandy leaped up and using the fours rammed her elbow into the Sue's gut. Annabelle went flying into the opposing wall and sank to the ground, blood tricking out of her perfect red lips. Before she had any time to "think" (koff-lies-koff) Dexter lunged at her and began to eat her pretty little face off. bright red blood spited ageist the wall and spilled onto the floor as Princess Annabelle Nero Tifa Cullun Strife Lockhart Flower Highwind RedX Cloud Sunrose Serenity Rudy Moonstar Green Valentine Fair Chaos Blue RockoutLoud Ginita boobs giggled no more.

Sighing deeply Sandy stood up start. "Now THAT was close. See Alice that's why we should all way-- Alice??" Sandy looked at her parted worried. Alice was currently in the fetal position rocking back and forth her eyes the size of dollar coins and the slash on her arm still bleeding.

"Wess didn't sess anythings dids wess presises. Didn't seess anythings we dids," was all she muttered to herself.

"Oh dear," quietly Sandy got out her cell phone and called Kay. "Kay, incoming, Kay can you here me? We have a problem."

"I here you loud and clear Agent Summer. What seems to be the problem?"

"We had a bit of an accident, Agent Alice saw.... It." Sandy whispered the last part, like just saying it would case the see to come back.

Kay cursed it what sounded like a few different languages. "All right, you can wipe her mind for now but a thing like that will cause some deep seeded problems for a long time. Once you get back we'll send her into intact therapy."

"All right, thanks Kay," Sandy said, still didn't look to happy.

"Poor kid, and it was only her first mission too." Kat sighed shacking his head.

" I know," Sandy ground feeling like she failed Alice. She was her mentor, she was suppose to protect her and teach her the ropes of sue slaying. Not scare her for life. " I shouldn't have taken her Kay, I'm a horrible partner...."

" Don't say that! At lest you still have your newbie. Agent Arganough lost her newbie to a queen Sue," Kay said trying to cheer her up a little.

It didn't work to well, now Sandy felt bad for the other kid AND Alice. " Ok Kay, I should go. Gotta clean up and all,"

" All right, good luck," And with that he hung up.

Sighing again Sandy looked at the muddling Alice and then the half eaten Sue..... Ok like 85% eaten Sue.... all that was left where some breast implants and her feet. Dexter was curtly gnawing on what looked like the remains of her leg.

"This is going to be a long night," Sandy mumbled to herself.

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A/N: I'm horrible!!!! I haven't updated in FOREVER!!!! I'm so sorry I got sidetracked my anther story of mine.... T_T I'll try to update more soon!


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